How to do things you don’t want to (but know you should)
For those of you interested in this topic—doing things we don’t want to do —I have a feeling this is something near and dear to all of us.
We all have habits that we want to start, break or change. Routines/things in life that we know we'd be better off with or without. Things like:
Working out
Getting up earlier
Eating better
Not spending hours on social media
Not getting down on ourselves
The list goes on and on and on.
So, what's it take to make the change?
How can we create new habits that are aligned with our highest self?
Well, first of all there’s no magic bullet.
There are certainly tips and tricks to setting yourself up for success but at the end of the day - you gotta be the one that makes the decision and follows through.
I like to think of it as biking up a hill.
That first push on the pedal is hard, it almost doesn’t happen. But once the crank rotates the first time, the second turn gets a little easier, the next easier, and so on.
Eventually, you build momentum and turning the wheel takes no effort...gradually it becomes second nature.
There's been a ton of research on this topic and according to recent studies once you start riding that bike up the hill, not only will you be building new, healthy habits but as you strengthen your willpower in one area it will touch everything else in your life.
“When you learn to force yourself to go to the gym or start your homework or eat a salad instead of a hamburger, part of what’s happening is that you’re changing how you think. People get better at regulating their impulses. They learn how to distract themselves from temptations. And once you’ve gotten into that willpower groove, your brain is practiced at helping you focus on a goal."
Maybe you've felt this when your workout routine takes stride. All the sudden you're eating and sleeping better, drinking less and even making better decisions.
So how do we get ourselves to start tuning the habit wheel in the right direction?
I’ve outlined below 3 simple steps to get started.
If you follow these steps, I promise, you will be setting yourself up for success.
That said, there is an abundance of research on the power of habits and how to change them. If you want to read more there’s an excellent book entitled The Power of Habit by Charles Dugigg that goes deep into it.
Before we jump in there are two things I want to remind you:
At the core of all this is sourcing discipline, even just the smallest amount, to take that first step.
Don’t beat yourself up. After #1, this is the most important thing. You’re going to have days where it seems easy and days where it’s a lot harder. When the voice in your head starts talking shit and trying to drag you down, don’t engage with the conversation*. Notice the thought like you watch clouds pass in the sky. Relax your shoulders, breath, release and move on.
*Something I’ve found helpful when I’m having negative inner dialogue is to pretend that the narrative voice in my head is actually another person standing next to me. If another person were to talk to me like that, I would never keep them around…so why would I let myself talk to me that way?
Ok, so let’s jump in.
Here are 3 simple steps to creating healthy habits:
Step 1: Make sure the habits we're creating are coming from 'Above The Line'
“Above The Line” is a term we use in coaching, and it represents a state of mind as well as an approach to how we talk to ourselves and to others.
We want to ensure that we're not coming from a place of fear, lack, self judgement, worry or even your current circumstances.
Rather it is generous, kind, loving place of choice and authenticity to our highest self.
Tips on how to do this with creating habits. Start with asking:
What are my ‘why’s’ for wanting this new habit?
Is this something I want for me or because of others - e.g. Is this to 'look good’ or is this authentic to how I want to live my life?
If it takes a bit longer to realize this habit, am I willing to be patient during the process?
Step 2: Write out a plan
Writing a game plan is meant to be a simple. It's also a vital and sometimes challenging thing to do.
Consider this the first crank on that peddle.
For this step, write out exactly what you are going to do, when you’re going to do it, and specific instructions to yourself for when the moment of anticipated 'not wanting to do this thing' feeling comes.
For example, if you’re going to go for a run 3 times this week, write down where, when and how long you are going to run for. When my willpower muscles go limp and I'm tired and don't want to run...I'm going to put on my sneakers, and just walk out to the mailbox.
The key is to be specific so that you reduce the amount of things/decisions necessary for you take action.
Important: Be thinking ahead of time how you're going to deal with the painful inflection points - aka - when you say 'I don't want to do this anymore."
Step 3: Setting yourself up for success with Activation Energy
Activation energy can mean several things as it relates to creating new habits.
I want to explain two ways activation energy is going to help you succeed. But first, what is activation energy?
Here’s my simplified definition:
Doing something ahead of time so that when it's time to get my thing done, it takes the minimum amount of energy.
In step 2 we plan, in step 3 we're doing...
In other words, what are things I can do now, that will set me up for success later? Let’s explain with an example.
I want to go running early in the morning. When I wake up, I’m tired and I don’t do well making decisions.
In this scenario, activation energy would mean that the night before, I plan out my route (see step 2) and I wear my running clothes to sleep. My shoes are next to my bed so when I put my feet on the floor, they’re right there.
No thinking. Nothing extra to do. No decisions to make. Just follow what's in front of me.
Your reducing the necessary energy required for you to get your run on.
The more you do this (reduce energy needed to get it done), the more likely you are to succeed. This is science in your corner!
There’s also something called ‘Deactivation Energy’ which is helpful if you want to say, stop watching TV.
(e.g. Increase the amount of energy it will take for me to sit on the couch and easily turn on the TV.)
Deactivating my energy here would mean that maybe I put all the remotes in a desk drawer in the basement.
Sounds simple, right? That’s because it is.
I can still walk down there, open the drawer, walk back up stairs and turn on the TV but I'm exponentially less likely to do this because it’s requiring a lot more of my energy.
The key takeaway here is to do everything you can ahead of time to make it as easy and frictionless for you to do (or not do) the thing you want. Making it as easy or as hard as possible for yourself.
